Journey #1.03

I’ve been accepted. I’m now going to start raising support, and in a little less than three months I’ll be on my way.

I can’t express how excited I am right now.

What I’ve Learned #11

What I learned today:

I form my life around what I plan on my life becoming in the future when I have no clue what my life will become in the future.

Journey #1.02

There’s this place between your freshman year of college and going to the Canary Islands. I’m there.

There’s this place between living at home for 18 years and being on your own for the very first time. Yeah. I’m there.

There’s this place between living a good life and and living the life God wants you to live. Yeah. I’m totally there.

A Glimpse of Saturday

There’s this line in Elizabethtown where Kirsten Dunst’s character says to Orlando Bloom’s character “you’re always trying to break up with me and we’re not even together.” The best part is that Orlando Bloom’s character responds with “we’re not?”

I would like to say that I’m not actually as care free as I think I am, but that would be a lie. I think I’m actually more care free than I let on. I’ve just been in one place for too long.

There are a few friendships of mine that I believe would not change at all if we were to spend every day together.

I enjoy being ignored sometimes.

I think Sufjan Stevens is next on the “To See in Concert” list.

I have yet to attend a wedding at which I have not been uncomfortable.

It’s often hard for me to find a song on my iPod that has no connection to a person or event.

“Given the chance I’m gonna be somebody.” -Kings of Leon

I don’t want to wait for the chance. I’m not going to wait for the chance.

In the movie Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid Robert Redford reminds me of Brad Pitt.

I have no doubt that my selfishness will never fail to reveal itself.

One of my goals is to send more postcards to the ones I love.

“I’m not sorry there’s nothing to say.” -Stars

Goodnight.

List #1

What I’m trying to say is that I focus on the fact that people have hurt me instead of on the one who can heal me.

What I’m trying to say is that I’m usually the one who needs to ask for forgiveness.

What I’m trying to say is that I can’t run away from the desires that God has placed on my heart. I’ve tried many times to do so.

What I’m trying to say is that by doing well in school I honor those who pay for my education. Whoever they may be.

What I’m trying to say is that maybe you should try the tacos at Chipotle sometime. I don’t think you’ll be disappointed.

What I’ve Learned #10

What I learned today:

Mute Math’s new album, Armistice, will be released on August 18th.

What the water wants is hurricanes and sailboats to ride in its back.

What the water wants is sun kiss and land to run into and back.

I have a fish stone burning my elbow reminding me to know that I’m glad.

And I have a bottle filled with my old teeth. They fell out like a tear in the bag.

And I have a sister somewhere in Detroit. She has black hair and small hands.

And I have a kettle drum. I’ll hit the earth with you. And I will crochet you a hat.

And I have a red kite. I’ll put you right in it. I’ll show you the sky.

-Sufjan Stevens

Without

I think a lot of times when people choose to go without things it’s because they’re trying to find something better. I’m learning that I choose to go without things because there is something better, and going without is was usually brings me to it. I’m leaving the country in just over 4 months, and many of my emotions are stirred up at the thought of being without for so long. Without home. Without friends. Without english. Without Fort Wayne weather. Without expectations. Without my own vehicle. Without the familiarity that comes from 18 years in the same place. I’m ready. I’m ready for the challenge that comes from being without. And not because I’m ready for the challenge, but because I’m ready for the place to where the challenge leads. I’m ready for that. I’ve been ready for that. I’ve had to wait for longer than I would have liked to wait, but I’m ready now. That’s all that matters. There is this place in my heart that already feels the weight of the challenge, but at the same time remembers the deep breath that comes when the challenge has been completed.

I’ve been waiting for this for a long time.

I’m so ready.

Bitterness

Honestly, I try and avoid movies with scary looking monsters. Not because I’ll have nightmares about them chasing me, but because I won’t be able to fall asleep because I’ll be convinced I saw one in my hallway. I’ve learned to shut my door at night. Anyway, when I think about living with a heart that doesn’t have the humility to ask for forgiveness and to forgive others and to believe in their heart that God has forgiven them, I get this picture in my mind of some sort of scary monster following me around everywhere I go. Well, that’s what my life has been like for the past few months. It got so bad that I could not help but become bitter towards people that I had once loved. People that I had once shared my heart with.

Forgiveness is this great love story that too many people miss out on.

It’s one of the things I would like to see happen more often in my life.

Verbally.

Emotionally.

Physically.

Spiritually.

Just Be Patient

Last night…

OH! Last night.

Last night I watched as Snow Patrol played my favorite songs while the sun set.

Last night I stood just a few feet away from Chris Matrin, Jonny Buckland, Guy Berryman, and Will Champion while they played “Green Eyes,” and perhaps a few other songs.

Last night I watched as thousands and thousands of colorful paper butterflies fell from the sky.

Last night I screamed as the notes from the beginning of “Clocks” filled my ears.

Last night was wonderful.

I enjoyed myself.

And today…today I cleaned my room.