Talk to anyone who knows me well and they’ll easily be able to tell you that my favorite movie is Say Anything. It’s sad that most people have no clue what movie I’m talking about. “It came out in 1989, and it stars John Cusack, Ione Skye, and Lili Taylor. Directed by Cameron Crowe. The scene where John Cusack is standing in front of his car with a trench coat on holding a boom box over his head…? Anything? Nope…” It’s hard to explain why I like it so much. I’ve just stopped trying. Watch the movie and I think you’ll find out why. At the beginning of the movie Ione Skye’s character, Diane Court, is giving her valedictorian speech and at one point she says “…but when I think about the future (pause) I’m really (pause for emphasis) scared.”

I’m not scared. Not right now. I’m learning to live with whatever comes my way. Not because I’ve become apathetic, but because most of the things that come my way are good things. I’m given the choice to either do well with them, or screw things up. I’ve screwed up a lot of things.

I’m learning.

Lately it’s been people. I’ve screwed a lot of things up when it comes to people. I’ve had shallow friendships that I thought were deep, good, and long lasting. For years and years I’ve kept friendships that pull me into things that distract me from Truth. I’ve tried really hard to become friends with people who I know will not benefit me in any way. All these things have become clear to me within the past few weeks.

But then… God is so good. I’m finally starting to figure out what real friendship looks like. I’ve been searching for this for a long time, and for some reason God just said “ok…now.” Perfect timing. I’m leaving the country for three months in less than two months. Don’t get me wrong. This is a good thing. If ever I needed someone to help me keep my head on straight it would be now. If I ever needed someone to whom I could say “Hey! Pray for me. Please. Just pray.” it would be now. If ever I needed someone to laugh with it would be now. If even I needed someone who would be able to, with no doubt in their mind, say “Amanda, everything is going to be ok.” it would be now. If ever I needed someone to call (probably at three in the morning because I’ll forget about the time change) and say “I CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE! I WANT TO COME HOME!” It would be now. If ever I needed someone who would say “just give it ONE more day” it would be now.

So many thoughts are running through my head right now. My list of things to do is longer than I want it to be…longer than it should be.

Tomorrow night I will sit down, spit out all the things that are on my mind onto listening ears, and then slowly sink into a comfortable yet meaningful conversation as I sip a cup of coffee and sit in a big redish-orange chair.

Friendship…it’s been a little while. It’s been too long.

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