What I Did Today

“I don’t need you, Amanda…

but I chose you.”

That’s what I discovered tonight.

God does not NEED me to complete His will for Him, but He chose me.

And so I will follow Him. I will follow Him with all of my heart and life.

And in the end, if nothing major happens, if I don’t see anyone’s life drastically change, I won’t have to worry.

Because He does not need me, but He chose me.

So I will follow.

On Music and Youth

Yesterday marked the end of my third week here in the Islands.

I did something yesterday that I haven’t done in a long time.

I laid in my bed. Put my headphones over my ears. Pressed play on my iPod. Turned up the volume.

Music is such a very big part of my life. In the States it’s normal for it to be such a big part of ones life.

It helps us to express who we are. Whether we play an instrument or not. Whether we’re tone deaf or not. Those of us that grew up in the States, at least where I live, have that connection to music. Especially the people that I surround myself with there.

WE

LOVE

MUSIC

And this is a good thing. I believe.

The people I’m surrounded with here don’t put as much thought into the music they listen to. They listen to a lot of music in English, or techno music, and you can’t grab onto music like I’ve learned to grab onto music when it isn’t in your native language.

Well…unless you’re listening to Sigur Ròs.

So I forgot about music for a little bit. I put it behind me. Looked at other things. Listened to other things (cringe). Put part of my so called American life behind me.

Why?! Why would I do such a thing?!

I was lost for a couple weeks. I was trying to find where I fit in this culture.

What part of who I am can I slowly allow to grow and change as I spend more time in this country?!

And what part of who I am can I not let change at all whatsoever?!

And what things do I just not want to change about myself?

And what things are ok to not want to change about myself?

I’m finally starting to find an answer to those questions. I’m changing already.

I’m changing by simply learning which things I don’t want to change about myself.

I’m slowly allowing those who don’t speak my language to see these things. I think that if I showed all of them to them at once they would be a little bit overwhelmed.

So I have grabbed back on to the music that I love. And I have grabbed back on to a part of myself that, for a time, I thought I could go without. I don’t think I’ll ever make that mistake again.

And when it comes to youth.

I was thinking today…

If someone were to tell my story. If someone were to tell someone all the things that I have done with my life. If someone were to ask me about life, and love, and putting those two things together,

I would rather have them do it when I’m 80.

Because right now I’ve barely begun my life.

I’m young.

I need guidance.

And yesterday I got to this point where I thought “I’ve done so many cool things with my life. I’m such a cool person.”

Luckily, I was humbled by the Lord in the privacy of my own room.

And I was reminded that I have a lot to learn. And a lot to do. And a lot to see. And a lot of people to love. Better.

To love better.

And those are my thoughts on music and youth.

Buenas noches.

The Second Beach

In My Place

Fact: If I stopped learning things then this blog would cease to exist as we know it.

This means that I’ve been learning.

I journal. Not as much as I should. I often turn to the internet when I want to write something down. There are probably things that I should have worked through on my own before I turned to this keyboard. But it’s too late now. And this happened for a reason.

Tonight, however, things changed, and I turned to my Moleskin first. I wrote down the events of today, and prayed.

I’m 99% sure I’ve said this before, but this is hard. This is really hard. And the force of it all doesn’t hit me until I enter my room and lock my door behind me for the night. That is why I should always turn to something else before I turn to this.

I tell you this because I’ve slowly been forgetting something.

The Gospel.

If I forget the Gospel, then everything is lost.

So I remember the Gospel.

Ask all these things in the name of Jesus Messiah.

Rejoice.

And say amen.

But it’s not over.

There’s this HUGE road block that I can’t seem to get around.

Spanish.

The people that I’m currently living life with all speak Spanish.

There is no way that I am going to be able to explain to Gospel to someone in Spanish.

So…I have to live it out.

Go places that I wouldn’t normally go.

See things that I wouldn’t normally see.

Do things that honor the Lord.

This is going to change my life.

“”

If you say goodbye, my heart’s in trouble.

-MuteMath

Liliana

Amanda

Tenerife, Canary Islands

LIFE…

I bought a new pair of brown converse low-tops before coming here. Which was a good thing considering that here a pair of converse is going to set you back 60€. Not cool. Anyway, I think these new guys are finally broken in. The shoe laces are starting to get dirty. The heels are starting to wear down. And they’ve stretched out, so now they fit just right. I think it’s just another sign that life here has started to become just plain old life. However, that doesn’t mean I’m becoming less focused. If anything it just means I’m becoming more focused. I can finally start concentrating on why I’m here.

Today was a busy day. It was good. I walked a lot. That was really good. Drank a lot of coffee. Even better.

I’m beginning to learn things about myself.

I’m beginning to think about what life will be like when I get back to the states.

What I would like to do there. What I would like to do here. What I would like to do in both places.

You know what? This is the first chance I’ve had to stop and think about life within the past 24 hours, and so much has happened within the past 24 hours.

Why can’t I always remember that God’s plan is perfect?

Why can’t I always remember that nothing surprises Him?

Why can’t I always remember that He is a good God?

But I remember now, and these words don’t seem as important anymore.

It’s time to gather up my stuff for the beach tomorrow.

And It’s Coming Closer

I should be asleep.

My friend Lili wants to meet me at 8:30 for breakfast tomorrow morning here in my residence, and then we’re going to go out and walk around for a little bit. See the sights. Hear the sounds. Experience a Friday morning in La Laguna.

My schedule keeps filling up. My day tomorrow is FULL. I have a couple hours free between lunch and an intercambio at 5. Maybe I can sneak in some laundry. I really need to do some laundry.

In reality, the next three weeks of my life are pretty much planned down to the hour. This is a good thing though. I’m looking forward to the events that are coming up, yet really really nervous at the same time. I was talking to my parents tonight, and at one point I told my dad “I think it’s safe to say that I’m probably the only friend these girls have that has a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.”

Mmmmm.

That’s some pretty heavy stuff.

I have to remind myself that I’m not the one in control.

I want to study the life of Jesus. So that I can be more like Him.

And I know that I need to protect myself. I need to be smart about this. Being smart about this means a lot of different things.

I’m not in control, remember?

So, back to being busy. Busy is a good thing. I’m becoming more comfortable here. Making this my home. Developing a heart for the people. This is a VERY good thing.

It will make it harder to leave though.

But I’m doing what I came here to do. I’m learning, and living, and starting to love.

Love. I need you in my life right now.

And now…I need to sleep.

Buenas noches

Dulces sueños (sweet dreams)

Tenerife, Canary Islands