Because this song will never get old.

My mom arrives tomorrow afternoon. I’m really looking forward to that sweet moment we will have when we see each other for the first time in 12 weeks.

My life is about to change.

Do you have a song that you love to listen over and over again but have yet to get sick of? It doesn’t have to be your favorite song. It’s just a song that you can listen to over and over again. And that’s exactly what you do. You listen to it over and over again. Not every day, or every week, or every month, but every time it’s just time to listen to that song again.

That’s kind of how my life is right now. I’m in a place that I’ve been in before, and it’s just time to listen to that song again.

It’s that place that comes right before a big change happens.

There. That’s where I am. And it’s wonderful. Bittersweet, yes. But still wonderful.

p.s. Webster, the song is Last Time by Paper Route. I haven’t really figured out why.

So…

Remember when I wrote that post about Europe needing the Gospel?

Let’s just say that the Lord is continuing to do a good work in my heart.

More on this later.

Listen to what I’m listening to…

The bridge to this song…

I’m living in Europe. Enough said.

Hillsong-You’ll Come

Claudia and I bake cookies a lot.

We’re getting pretty good at it.

Christmas Time

Christmas is getting pretty close. This really only means one thing.

I’ll be going home soon.

My mom is coming to visit me my last week and then we’re going to fly back to the States together. I’m looking forward to this time with her. However, at the same time it means I have less time here to just hang out with friends. Less time to bake cookies, watch movies, and talk about life over a hot cup of tea at the Miller’s house. It means less time to laugh with my friends at dinner. Less time to walk the streets of La Laguna on my own and just think. Less time to get to know the kids from the youth group. Less time to plan adventurous outings with Dàmaris. Less time to accomplish something big.

I was listening to Sufjan Stevens’ Christmas Album as I was getting ready this morning. Songs for Christmas Volume V: Peace!

He has a song Called Sister Winter. And part of the chorus goes something like this…

“All my friends, I’ve returned to sister winter.

All my friends, I apologize.”

I don’t know exactly why, but it hit me pretty hard. Perhaps because it’s 14 degrees in my hometown right now, and 70 degrees where I’m living today.

Winter.

The word in and of itself just sounds cold. The burst of air coming out of your mouth when you pronounce the “w” is a reminder of the coldest winds that have ever rushed past my cheeks. The “in” is a reminder of all the blankets, hats, scarves, and coats I’ll wrap around myself through the month of March. Perhaps even April. The “ter” is a reminder of the harshness of everything about winter. The cold. The feeling in my chest when my car starts sliding on the fresh snow. The lack of sunshine in Fort Wayne. Even the first sip of that cup of tea or bowl of soup that you’re hoping will actually warm up your freezing body is harsh.

But just because I’m going home doesn’t mean God is letting me down. God is not all of a sudden removing his faithfulness from my life. God will not stop being a good God. Even though I know that the transition back home will be rough. Even though I’m looking forward to, and mildly scared of all the tears that are to come in the future I know that it will all be worth it. Because the Messiah is worth it.

And there are things that need to be done when I get home. There are steps that I need to take. There are people to contact. Books to read. Applications to turn in.

Cups of coffee to drink.

Places to go.

Classes to attend.

Why did it have to go by so fast?

And why do I still feel like I need to accomplish something really big before I board that plane to Madrid?

THIS…this is hard.

This has become too comfortable.

During my second semester at IPFW I had three classes every Tuesday and Thursday in a row. 15 minutes between each.

Intro to Political Theory

Art Appreciation

Bioanthropology

Talk about a heavy day. I went from discussing Plato, to learning about how to discuss art, to memorizing the cranial capacity of neanderthals.

One day as I was walking from the art building all the way over to Kettler Hall there was a boy standing in front of the library shouting something about hell and sin while holding a Bible in his hands. I recognized him. He had been in my linguistics class the previous semester. He seemed pretty nice. He never really said much. I had never talked to him. I don’t even know his name, but my heart sunk a little when I walked past him. Some people were laughing at him, some people were avoiding him, but most people were just ignoring him.

I wish I would’ve stopped on that day and talked to him. I just think it would have been interesting. I wish I would’ve asked him about the Gospel. I wish I would’ve asked him why he wasn’t investing into the souls around him instead of yelling at a generation that wants no part of the “you’re going to hell” lecture.

I have a sensitive heart. Images can easily disturb me, words, sounds, smells. Living in Europe has changed some of those things. I’m learning how to love people who do all those things, and say all those things, and enjoy all those things that disturb me.

I’m almost ashamed to say that I have to learn how to love those people.

I’m also learning how to be myself around them. Because being myself is hard within any group of people.

And I’m discovering that who I am is a person who just wants to draw close to her GOOD GOD. A person who wants to love and enjoy people. A person who wants to live the life.

I hope this boy standing in front of the library yelling at people about hell and sin has a similar idea about himself. Not because my idea is the best idea or because whatever his idea is is wrong, but because I think it’s hard to know what love really looks like. Because my sin always seems to find a way in somehow.

And because more important than the things we do, places we go, things we see, and perhaps even the things we learn are the people who are there with us when those things happen.

That is why you will always be very dear to my heart, Claudia Miller.

I love you.

a day of rest.

I should be sleeping. I have a big day tomorrow. I’m going on a little adventure in the morning with one of my intercambios, I have a conversation exam in the afternoon, and class not too long after that conversation exam. I need to buy more postcards and write more postcards. Hopefully I’ll have time for that after my class. Or perhaps I can find some on my adventure in the morning.

I’ve learned that I can never really know what to expect when it comes to adventures on this island, but I’m learning how to prepare myself for these adventures. It’s an island. Enough said. My white skin will hopefully turn a nice shade of tan very soon.

Today I had nothing major to do. I slept in and spent the remainder of the morning doing a little reading and getting ready for the day. In the afternoon I did some laundry, cleaned up around my room, wrote more postcards, bought water, did homework, and fought homesickness.

Today I desired to be in a place where everything was familiar. Specifically the language.

Sometimes I just want to have an intelligent conversation with someone. I really enjoy intelligent conversation. I’ll do things do prepare myself for intelligent conversation. Most of them involve reading. It never gets old.

So there’s really nothing left to say.

I hate it when people just blog about what they did during the day. Does someone really just want to read about all the things I did today? No. At least I wouldn’t want to read about all the things I did today.

So let me tell you this. Let me make this blog post mean something.

I think that this whole experience is about me. That’s not true.

Let me put it this way. I’m not perfect, and sometimes I think that I have to be perfect in order to get anywhere.

In reality the whole point of the Gospel has to with the fact that I’m not perfect, and I think that it’s when I realize that I’m not perfect and that I really can’t impact anyone’s life for the better because I have enough problems of my own…

I think that’s when God comes in works in the hearts of those around me.

Because otherwise I would just think that it was because of something nice that I did, or something wise that I said.

So I’m learning to get over myself, and fall into the grace that God has so freely given. It’s a wonderful place to be.

The road there is not always easy, but what really good things are always easy?

 

 

Sometimes we forget who we got.

I could have gone snorkeling this morning. It was merely pure laziness that kept me from doing so.

I have a lot of cool opportunities here on this island called Tenerife. Tomorrow the two missionary families, myself, and most of the people with whom we do intercambios are going to celebrate Thanksgiving. I’m looking forward to turkey, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, pumpkin pie, and all things American.

There never seems to be a dull moment. There’s always a new opportunity, a new invitation, a new word, or a new friend.

Everything is just that. New.

Three months isn’t nearly long enough.

There are a lot of things that I left undone at home. This week my emotions have been trying to work through those things.

Many of them have to do with relationships.

I would say that I seek simplicity in my life, but relationships always seem to make things more complicated. The truth is that when I return I’m not really sure where my relationships will be. There are a couple friendships that I’m really looking forward to continuing. There are a couple friendships that will probably no longer exist. There are a couple friendships that need to be reunited.

The truth is that most of my friendships don’t end up like I want them to. I’ve spent the last year and a half learning a lot about this. I’m learning that I can’t control the way other people respond to my invitation of friendship. I tend to blame myself. This takes away from the much sought after simplicity.

I guess that that’s what I really actually want.

Simplicity.

And that involves JUST a few things.

1. It involves a living, thriving relationship with the Lord. Through the reading and study of his Word, prayer, and community with other believers.

2. It involves the relationships that GOD has put into my life. Even though those people might live in Anderson, West Lafayette, my home, or the precious 1108.

3. It involves hard work. Also known as college. But studying is something that I will be rewarded for both now and later, and I’m looking forward to jumping back into that routine.

4. It involves responsibility. In my home and in the three things listed above.

5. It involves that pair of Levi’s that I’ve worn almost every day for the past two months. Because I believe that if a girl can simplify her wardrobe, she can simplify her life.

Five things isn’t bad.

Simplicity.

And I thought that this post was going to be about friendship.

Snickerdoodles and…

What should go along with snickerdoodles?

Milk.

Laughter.

Hopes and dreams.

Thanksgiving.

Music in a language that you don’t understand.

Or all of the above…

Sunday it will be two months that I’ve been here and one month until I leave.

This last one month will go by very quickly. I have lots of things to do.

I’ve been thinking about going home. A lot.

I don’t know why this thought has come so early on in my adventure. I think it’s because a lot of people have been asking me whether or not I want to go home.

I don’t want to go home.

But I can’t wait to see my family and my friends.

I can’t wait to speak my language all the time.

I can’t wait to go back to school.

But to leave my friends here…

To leave the missionary families here…

To leave the Spanish language…

To leave my Spanish class…

I don’t want to do those things.

I told my parents this the other night.

I think that going home will be a big adventure.

I think that most people won’t understand what I’ve just been through, and most probably won’t even know that I’ve been gone.

However, I think I’ve changed in some ways, and the people that know me best will see those things.

I’m excited to take the skills that I’ve learned here and use them in the States. I’m excited to take them back to my family, friends, and classes at my not so posh university.

When it’s time to go home, I’ll go home.

But for now I can’t wait to take advantage of all the cool things there are to do on this island.

“”

Is there anyone left who will understand I’m made of flesh and bone?

-Paper Route